Redesigned….with you in mind.
Redesigned….with you in mind.
Get close to me again.
Let me fill you with inspiration,
That turns you into creative joy.
Let the words flow through,
As they were meant to be.
Don’t let me hide away,
Let me out into the world,
Where I can touch curiosity,
And become sparks that ignite the soul.
This is for you and beyond,
If you let it be.
I am here for you,
But you got to be there for me!
From my writing to me.
Is what I think you called out to me.
As I stared between the trees from the side of the street.
Overlooking High Park, off the road on Parkside Drive.
Trying to make sense of how you died.
Desperately looking on the side of the road for anything you might’ve left behind.
I found two shiny stones and gave them to Jess – as if you sent the sign.
That the Father – Daughter bond will never die.
I looked into the forest from the side of the road.
Holding back the tears, not ready to let go.
I saw the calm in the trees from the shade and sunlight.
As if you called out to me,
“Ollie, Ollie Oxen Free!”
To let me know that you were safe and free.
I couldn’t help but be so angry.
That you were gone because of someone’s stupidity!
Three years later, almost four.
We’re being reminded once more.
Because there are other souls who are being mourned.
From this very same street –
This can’t happen any more!
It is Community that brings us up when we are down –
It is Community that show love in times of dark –
It is Community that advocate for our safety.
Come together for safer streets!
For our Families!
Bones – children’s bones – of Indigenous People. Of families torn apart from their blood and flesh. Forced to assimilate in Residential schools run by Catholic Churches and their nuns.
The stories have been told before – over and over again. The same cries that are not being heard. The same patterns that are evident and are left to be ignored. The horror resurfacing and heavy on our hearts.
It’s time to change the conversation about what we do next. The conversation about the harsh realities of history.
The conversations to increase awareness of the truth, the teaching moments with our kids to be aware of these patterns that still exist in this very moment. It’s in our literature, in our media, in our education system, in our popular culture that white culture is dominant, therefore creating the silos of minorities – who are non-white people – who are coloured people – the people who get the worst of an unequal deal.
During our homeschooling year, my daughter asked me to help her with her gr. 5 social studies assignment. She had to answer questions after reading a few pages of a virtual textbook. She couldn’t find the answers so I was delighted to help her research. Then I read the questions. Instantly I knew it was going to be a moment of peeling off a layer of blinders from her innocent world so that she could be aware of this knowledge of history that still impacts our country.
I taught her this new history lesson that will open her eyes for her world to come. The truth about how Canada came to be. In the end I gave her two versions: one that had school appropriate language or the way I wrote it. She chose the way I wrote it 😉 – my girl. I focused on the concept of Settlers vs. Indigenous that affects the whole world on so many different layers. I gave her more of the truth that the textbooks don’t expose.
Their land was invaded. Their ways of living drastically and tragically changed forever because of the European ‘settlers’ coming to explore to exploit, to enforce their culture (as if superior) in every way, especially trade and commerce, to adapt and to somehow survive this crisis after being thrown to the wolves time and time again.
There’s also something called the ‘Sixties Scoop‘, where Indigenous children were taken from their homes to be adopted by white middle class families throughout North America. Just imagine and try to understand the trauma and the ripple effects of these governed acts upon more than 20,000 innocent children, now older adults or gone.
Imagine people with many generations of culture, not being able to be fully who they were because another culture decided that they were superior and thought it was OK to take and disrupt for the ‘exploration’ eras. Imagine the pain of the parents who never heard from their children again. We are way past the exploration and excavation of land but not really. We thought we were past the degrading of minorities but not really at all.
Where we stand is in a hot spot of deciding what to do next, how to think for ourselves, how to overcome this superiority complex that is the very barrier of why the world is stuck in this vicious cycle.
Increase your awareness and your understanding. Eliminate ignorance and superiority. Experience kindness with humility so we can start a new cycle of balanced structure and organization. We’ve all heard it before but it’s time to take action in treating others how you want to be treated. Do one thing today that will engage the right energy towards humanity that will serve only goodness.
***A BIG PART OF HEALING IS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, UNDERSTANDING, AND RECONCILIATION TO MOVE FORWARD. There is a framework of resources that are found in this guide called “Let the Truth be Told“, an Indigenous Oral Testimonies Activities Guide.
The Legacy of Hope Foundation is a national, Indigenous-led charitable organization that works to promote healing and Reconciliation in Canada, which is the important step in spreading awareness in our homes and in our education systems. Increase our understanding of history, ‘civilization’, popular culture, as well as using the tools for reconciliation and healing to rebuild a better nation.
Change the conversation you have today with your family. Start with your circle and let it organically grow from there.
New Earth…Better World – Rebuild it now.
What do you think of the most?
What burns inside of you every day?
What makes you flow like the ocean?
What makes you light as air?
What makes you – YOU?
Ask these questions and the answers will come to you.
LISTEN to what’s calling.
Have you ever had that feeling of something nudging you from deep within?
Nudging you to do something different?
Nudging you to step outside of your comfort zone?
Nudging you to get excited or to move on?
Nudging you to push you to grow and expand?
A gentle encouragement or an abrupt sign – listen to what your intuition is saying.
Take action to listen to these nudging feelings to interpret something meaningful.
Even if the feelings are uncomfortable and scary, or exciting and moving –
The outcome of these deep-rooted messages is to encourage growth.
Take the time to LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND.
Only then can the actions be taken to leap to your next step!
A touchy feely person in a hugless world
Now paranoid of interaction
Makes me want to hurl
Longing for something
Beyond my mind
To fill my heart
And help me unwind
Everybody buzz off
But be my friend
Will this cycle ever end?
A not so young mother of three, ages 11, 9, & 6. All born by C-section, the first two were messy emergency deliveries, and each had their share in the NICU for our short stay. One miscarriage before my oldest, one before the middle one. My body’s been through hell and back during these child-bearing years. Stories I never want to tell expecting moms.
I reminisce on Mother’s Day, as I smother my (tall) first born in my arms, on the moment I became a mom.
No one told me it was going to be so hard in the beginning where you’re in so much pain after being cut open and sewed back together again. Where the nurse demanded me to walk myself to the bathroom then out in the hallway or else I’d swell up like a balloon, which was already the case!
No one told me that once we got home, I was supposed to take care of this little baby without any provisions from the hospital. Just to figure it out as you go – which pretty much sums up parenthood. We have great supports but in those moments of dreaded night time feeds while in zombie mode, moms step up like no other human can.
And the fact that we can produce superfood with our boobs is phenomenal. But that’s not why we are superhuman. Mothers are a different category because of the many layers of strength, love, compassion, understanding, planning, and conviction that is instilled in us to combat the degrees of variables of obstacles, worries or fears and turn them into joy.
There is a constant battle of showing equal attention, equal love, equal time for every single one at all times. No matter what there always seems to be one who is not happy because of this and that and this and that and this and that. No matter how hard we try to accommodate.
That’s where the F-bombs and screaming come in. After all that we do as parents, there’s always the one who throws the last straw as if they’re testing the grounds for messy explosives. This mom was not built for that last straw. Once my cup is full, it pours out in profanities. So beware and be brave.
Patience at negative zero.
The reason why I created my blog Dr Jekyll Mommy Hide. A place where I can secretly hide to vent about what happens when the triggers are pulled. Then how I heal by loving hard with open heart while being ever so grateful for my life. Making everyone promise, including myself, to be better next time.
The mixed emotions of parenting on top of being a working mom, leads me turning to writing time and time again. The process is so therapeutic and keeps me in my sacred safe zone. I can lock myself in this process even when I don’t have anything to say because there’s always an endless flow, is what I ultimately learn in the end.
I felt the nudge to accept that, as writing is my secret hiding place, I need to learn how to be more open to share.
Without a doubt, I love and adore my kids, and would do most things for them. Yes, they squeeze the life out of me but it’s my job to keep inflating back up until they learn to be totally independent people. I have to trust that I’m raising them with dignity, alongside my soulmate, and that everything will be alright.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to use my sacred tools as a therapeutic process to ground and filter all depths of emotions of motherhood. Motherhood is raw but the essence of my soul is a part of them. To feel beautiful, ugly, sane, crazy, lovely, chaotic all at the same time in our pack of five. Somehow, we survive.
Right now for as long as it will last, I’m a happy mother. 😉
Thank you for this given Grace
To switch my perspective and my face
That the bigger picture is what stands
No matter what the circumstance
Trust that all will be good
Is what needs to be understood
Even on a heavy downer day
Keep going, don’t lose your way
It will feel lighter
Even on a different day
Keep working on continuous
Mind, Body, and Soul
Lessons from all experiences
Ready to unfold
Tell your story. Live to tell.
I am a Communicative Disorders Assistant (CDA), more commonly known as a Speech Language Assistant (SLA), (recent grads may be using Communication Health Assistant), who supports a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) (and/or Audiologist) by:
This is me…my ‘why’. Unraveling more potential after my Technical Writing journey, resurfacing for more.